Thursday, March 30, 2017



Yesterday at the artist talk, i also shared what happened a few things back in Msia about Transwomen community situations and one of it is our name. Our chosen name, our identity. If you're born Malay, you are automatically Muslim. (if you don't believe and want out, the consequences is the gov media will slut-shame you to the whole nation so most Malay who don't practise or want out, keep it a secret). 

Recently there were 2 Malay / Muslim Transwomen who passed away and her circle or close friends preventing others to not using her female or chosen name and kept mentioning their legal identification name in big caps gave me a cringe. a fucking half-closed-eyes-epileptic cringe. It happened before many times. Malaysian Transwomen community there are basically 2 school of thoughts.  One from the old school or from the old indoctrines that basically if you're born into this world as a male with the name attached or given to you, you can't change it until you die. This kind of rigid thought that makes it hard for some transwomen to start transitioning. Some may still believe it is wrong or a sin for being a Transwoman and being apologetic all the time submitting to their religious family's value. 

I was heavily indoctrinated and sent to religious school since primary school to a religious high school. Was reminded to pray every minute, every hour. Guilt-driven life yo! Growing up in this environment makes a lot of Transwomen felt guilty for being themselves and main caused of depression and some transition very late in life and missed a lot of opportunities like any other girls. Some when getting older even cut their hair short, start to wear male attire and going to hospital get the silicone out (not for health reason but more to preparing for the graves/meet their maker). The religious institutions also plays a big part in the society (moral policing) especially in Transwomen's lives. It is well known in the community few years back they have a correction camp to toughen up or make the transwomen to become men again (good luck with that) and recent phenomenon is they chose a few transwomen who fits their criteria (guilt from broken relationship with her partner + drug abused = repented life) and use her to promote the religious institution's agenda and that Transwomen can de-transtion and basically the message is to enforce their message that Transwomen are actually…just a male/man.

In this one of many blog article of said transwoman ( ) who de-transitioned, sponsored by the religious institution who she mentioned and appeal to Transwomen community to stop fighting for their rights and just pay the fines (syariah law in Malaysia- male person who wear female attire in public can be fined and jail( ).
Quote from the article “Sepatutnya ketika hukuman dijatuhkan, mereka perlu membayar denda. Tetapi mereka sengaja ‘bermain api’ dan ingin mencabar keputusan mahkamah." translates "When you were detained/apprehended by religious officers, just pay the fines but they (transwomen community) loves to play with fire". This word is a direct translation and a subtle threat to the community from the religious institution using her as a puppet to warn the Trans community.

I also shared with my colleagues and friends that many transwomen also couldn't enter university because they're not allowed to be who they are / force to cut their hair and wear male attire.

I am so so proud of what Aleesha Farhana did. She's the only one who brave enough to fight for what she thought were right. She went to get her name change and rejected, picked up by the stupid tabloid and became big issue on the national media that gets her so depresseded and pass away. She is my hero until now. Many transwomen are scared to talk about this subject still thinking that its not right to get their name changed because of rigid mentality, indoctrination and dogma.

From the beginning it the struggle from self-acceptance, family acceptance, neighbors, society, learning institutions, job searching, bank loans, health institutions, prison, public sphere, transphobic media influence the surroundings/society = the whole nation and to the grave where your name on the bloody tombstone is still your male name. Nope i'm not even fucking proud its a bloody male prophet name. I am so done with religion. Washed hand thoroughly, wiped clean. I want to be where i can choose my own name and gender until its written in my tombstone in my own chosen name and not live through life reminded every minute, it is a sin to be who we are. I guess my work on Transwomen issues, trying to explain in a different perspective is also part of my experience failed in communicating with my family of who i am and of course we don't have to do it but its just becoming one element and part of my work and practice. 
family, society,education,work,religion,love life,social,media, death

Friday, March 24, 2017

social activism/art/design (September 2016)

a friend stumble upon something (17March2017)

a Malaysian publisher has an issue on activism and ask few other Malaysian artist/activists on their take on art/activism. I remember  in 2014 when i was in Tokyo for a research under Nippon Foundation grant, in Tokyo at Nantoka bar to be specific that i found a little pocket size book about how to do a peaceful protest for children, i thought wow! i never thought of this and i should have took some photos of it so i remember what book it was, but it was so cute (children, naive art style illustrations) and i channelled some of the ideas for this opinion in a magazine print.


Thursday, March 23, 2017

Spring is here (seedbomb made by artist Egle Oddo frm her workshop)


I got the wrong timing for artist Egle Oddo's seedbomb workshop last Sunday and came a little late, nevertheless i got one to bring back home to throw infront of the studio. She taught me to chant a spell, whisper it to the Seed bomb before throwing it on the ground. She also carved my name onto it which is awesome, i wish a plant or tree burst instantaneously from the impact on the ground

Seedbomb from Egle's workshop event at Vanta art museum last weekend 18th/19th march


In a general climate where intolerance and closure seem to be high in fashion, we propose a workshop to deal with collective struggle and frustration in a playful manner. Let’s build seed bombs together!

What is a seed bomb?

It is a small, fragile, innocuous object that contains plant seeds. If thrown to the ground, preferably in a garden, it does not explode; it just breaks open releasing the seeds, which will grow, and flower.


Place: ARTSI, Vantaa Art Museum.

Days and time: days 18 and 19.3.2017
from 13:30 to 15:30.

Age: from 5 to 70 years old; full access.

Languages: None and all.

How to Enrol: First 12 people sitting at the table day 18.3 at 13.30 are in.

The Ark of Seeds

Tuesday, March 07, 2017

Love must always prevail.

Where has our humanity gone?
- Asyraf
4Mar2017, PM 5:46 (Updated 4 Mar 2017, PM5:48)

“Only when we are truly open to understanding the struggles of another can we be fully compassionate and empathetic.”
This past week we recently learnt about the premature demise of a beautiful soul named Sameera. I never met her in person but her friends had wonderful things to say about her. It was heart-breaking when I received messages regarding her death. It was truly horrific. Imagine losing your child, friend or lover in that manner.
My heart goes out to everyone who knows her. I hope that in time you find peace. But what was more distressing to me was how people made light of her death simply because she was transgender. Radio hosts minimising her death and laughing about it, to news agencies calling her ‘a man disguised as a woman’ made me sick to my stomach. What has happened to our humanity?

When we are able to joke or laugh about the death of another, we have truly lost our humanness. A person was brutally murdered! There is nothing funny about it whether it happens to a man or a lady or a kid or a person with Down syndrome or a transgender person. Everyone bleeds the same despite differences. They hurt the same and all they want are similar things.
Imagine listening to someone laughing about the death of your loved one, how does that make you feel? Hurt? Upset? Angry? Helpless? Well that is how we made Sameera’s parents feel.
We as a society are losing our ability to empathise and that is the downfall of our generation. If we were able to look at people beyond their labels and just accept them as human beings, we would be far more empathetic in our approach to them and in our public policies.
To make things worse, I was recently directed to an article by a lecturer who fiercely claimed that lesbian, gay, biseual and transgender (LGBT) people are confused by the ‘devil’ and are ‘born with souls opposite to their gender’. If I was there I would have fact checked him on the spot and brought his attention to the fact that he is conflating two issues. Now I can go into the nitty-gritty of the speech and find issues with every sentence he said.
But my issue is how hate speech like this is going unchallenged. The potential problems that may arise from his speech are detrimental to the mental health of our youth. His claims are not evidence based let alone logical in any sense. Conversion therapy has been proven by every major psychiatric organisation in the world to not work and even worse, they cause more harm.
He also talked about the influence of peers as a risk factor for becoming LGBT and yet till today I have not seen a Shrek or an Elsa or a Popeye walking in the streets. And if exposure to LGBT people makes one LGBT by right there shouldn’t be any LGBT people in the world because these people are constantly surrounded by heterosexual individuals. The bases of his arguments are unsubstantiated.
Hate speech like this can’t be left unchallenged as people are left believing in claims like this. He is simply spreading fear for no legitimate reason. And imagine the young kids who are listening to his speech. Imagine how terrified they must feel. Yet when one commits suicide, people like this who propagate hate ends up scot free leaving behind the parents of the deceased with so many unanswered questions and hurt.
Anyone who spreads hate has blood on their hands. I am against any form of hate be it be racism, sexism, bigotry or homophobia. We must understand that one can be an oppressor in one context and a victim in another! So shouldn’t we be spearheading the fight against any form of oppression instead of screaming oppression only when someone revokes your rights?
Your piousness is not reflected on how well you can condemn another but in how you empathise and help one another.
As long as we live on this earth we are forever going to have differences, but the key is in finding a way to work together to make everyone’s life better.
So here is to all the fallen souls, irrespective of race, creed, sexual orientation, etc. Let us take a moment of silence to remember the ones we have lost and appreciate the life that we have. Let us work together to make it a safe place for everyone to live.
Love must always prevail.

gig flyer in gif mock up

...want a drone pet in a form of Lazerbeak


(sharpen filter)

Wednesday, March 01, 2017

Eno, Flo, Nora

electric dreams

LGBT ‘work of the Devil’, Muslim convert lecturer says in conference

BANGI, Feb 28 — A Kolej Universiti Islam Selangor (Kuis) lecturer claimed today that the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender (LGBT) culture is caused by Satan to trick and lead humans astray.
Muslim convert Mohd Farid Ravi Abdullah said in the Islamic Consultative Council’s (MPI) multaqa, or conference, on education and social sectors that the LGBT have been confused by the Devil to think that they are born with “souls opposite to their genders”.
“Islam has not once admitted that gay and lesbian are human nature, but it is the Satan’s activity to deceive and mislead humans,” the Kuis Research Management Centre director wrote in his paper.
The ethnic Indian lecturer was presenting on the topic of Malay-Muslim socio-cultures in the social cluster plenary session.
“It must be curbed and prevented earlier by giving cure and therapies that is appropriate to the LGBT community,” his paper added.
Homosexuals are sexually attracted to others with the same sex, while transgenders suffer from gender identity disorder where their sex and gender experience is opposite to the ones assigned at birth.
Conversion therapy which consists of psychological treatment or spiritual counseling to change a person’s sexual orientation from homosexual or bisexual to heterosexual is widely seen by medical and scientific community as potentially harmful and a form of pseudoscience.
In his presentation, Farid said he was disappointed that there are LGBT with high education and top positions, even those who serve as Islamic clerics.
He later claimed that Muslims turn LGBT because they are suffering from a spiritual void and influence from bad apples.
“The influence of friends play a role, that’s why it is important who our kids are friends with. If their friends are good, then they will be good too,” the lecturer told the over 500 people in attendance.
The conference today was officiated by Deputy Prime Minister Datuk Seri Ahmad Zahid Hamidi, and attended by minister in charge of Islamic affairs Datuk Seri Jamil Khir Baharom and his deputy Senator Datuk Asyraf Wajdi Dusuki.
It was also attended by PAS Ulama wing chief Datuk Dr Mahfodz Mohamed, Parti Ikatan Bangsa Malaysia president Tan Sri Abdul Kadir Sheikh Fadzir, and former Selangor mentri besar Tan Sri Khalid Ibrahim.

Foreigner caught for khalwat ... with two lesbians
A foreign man was caught for khalwat (close proximity) with two local women during a raid conducted by the Terengganu Religious Affairs Department (JHEAT)on Tuesday. The trio were arrested in a house located at Jalan Kemajuan in Kuala Terengganu. The 21-year-old man, who is a car washer, claimed that he had only stayed for three days in the rented house owned by the two lesbians, aged 18 and 20 years old. JHEAT commissioner Datuk Wan Mohd Wan Ibrahim said a report was lodged earlier over the man's presence there. According to Wan Mohd, the man said he was temporarily staying with the women while looking for a new job. "During interrogation, the two women admitted that they were a lesbian pair," he said. All three were arrested under Section 31 of the state's Syariah Criminal Offences (Takzir) Enactment 2001 and were released on bond.